Living in the world full of hard-hearted people, being gifted with a warm heart is a special blessing indeed.
Bu when we lower our guards and forget to protect this special gift, it can lead to Internal conflict, and disappointment.
No matter how much we try to change ourselves, there would always be that one person who would disagree with whatever we do.
And this is why you should care less about what others think!
Just be surrounded with a couple of trustworthy people who give genuine piece of advices.
Don’t be embarassed because I used to be a people-pleaser too and there were 4 major lessons that I learned on my Journey.
We will never fit with each and every Person
Having haters even when you do your level best to be justical and genuine can be diasppointed.
But one thing that I learned the hard way is that we can’t fit in with each and every person because of dufferent mindset. People come from different families with different types of trauma.
Perhaps their trauma isn’t allowing them to look and think about you in a positive way . So, they are just projecting insecurities on you and honestly, there is nothing you can do about it.
Trying too hard can be repelling
When you put a rubber band on two of your index finger and bring the two fingers close, the rubber band slides down.
When you pull apart both the index fingers from each other, the tension in the rubber band increases and it breaks.
Our life can be the same at times. When we try to get too close to someone, we scare them away and when we move far away from them, we end up hurting them.
So, it’s better to stay in between and avoiding trying too hard.
People like seeing you with your masks off
Talking about myself, I am a very private person and talk to very few people on a regular basis. I can be quite choosy about people I interact with because It affects my Energy.
And for this very reason, If I feel that a person is roaming around masking who they really are, I feel repelled and I can’t really control that emotion.
And there are many people like me who think the same!
If we continue to please everyone you interact with, or even majority of our friends, then we are unlikely to find worthful and meangingful relationships.
Whenever the feeling of pleasing others creeps in, we should remind ourselves that it is us who we should be prioritizing.
That doesnt mean that you get be all selfish, but what I mean is that we need to treat ourself the way we treat others; with the same level of love, and respect.
People with warm hearts like you deserve to be loved and celebrated by yourself. Don’t worry, It’s called self-love, not egocentricism.
Our actions as a people-pleaser can be contradictory at times
As humans, it is not always possible to keep our true emotions concealed. No matter how uptight we are, we loosen it at times and act out our true self.
This can be contradictory to the superficial personality that we have created for people around us.
And confuse people. They may start to feel that we are unpredictable and make us feel lonely.
5 Tips to overcome the People-Pleasing Habit
Start Saying ‘NO’ more often
Our life is the product of our uptill-now-priorities. A person who focuses more on their work life than their family (No Judgement!) tend to be better in professional aspect of their life than the family one.
If you prioritize other people’s task more than yours, you’ll have too much on your plate and have no time for yourself.
Keep yourself occupied to avoid Overthinking
Sometimes, we can go deep about subtle things in life. A simple gesture thay doesn’t really mean much may hurt us and cause emotional conflict within us.
However, the truth is, we can’t always be perfect in figuring out what’s going on in other people’s heart and mind. We can make mistakes and misinterpret others emotions by their facial expressions if their talks.
And so, it is better to avoid spending much time overthinking about any given situation. Whenever i catch myself overthinking, I try to read a book or meditate. This helps me comfort my mind.
Make time for reflection, self-care and Improvement
Reflection is a significant part of the improvement Journey but we don’t have to stress out ourself to practice it everyday. Every once in a while is fine.
It’s easy to flow with the wave of negativity sometimes, and overlook our negative behaviours towards others and ourselves.
Reflection and Journaling helps us identify our sabotaging conscious and unconscious habits thus motivating us to work on ourselves.
Plus, one thing that I know for sure is that paper has more patience than a human. So blurt out what you feel onto that diary of yours and keep it personal. Make sure that you mention the dates.
That way you’ll be able to track progress and feel prouder of yourself while reviewing the diary at the end of the year.
Forgive Yourself as you Forgive Others
Forgiving others is easy but forgiving oneself difficult. It isn’t the situation itself that makes things complicated but the emotions and atmosphere that we felt at that moment.
I’ve had those days too! You are not alone. However, an amazing lesson that I learned in my is that, Life is a continous process of learning and unlearning.
Understand that it is okay to make mistake or to fall in and out off the track. But what isn’t okay is quiting. Self-Improvement is a life-long journey.
Things are gonna be quite difficult if we stay too uptight with ourself because at the end of the day, we are our own bestfriend.
We have to go through things alone, even we are surrounded with people who truly love and support you.
Overcome the fear of hurting others
The last thing that we should do is intentionally hurt others. I agree but its important to be aware of the of the situation too.
If we offend your friends over not spending too much time with them, while being busy working towards our goals, we have done nothing wrong and don’t have to sorry about it.
Because as I said earlier, at the end of the day, we have to do things on our own having loving and supporting people around you is just a bonus.
If we fail our test because we didn’t want to break your friends heart when they asked to hang out, it is our fault. We can’t blame it on them.
On the journey of Improving ourself, we will offend many people despite of having done the right thing. All that they deserve is your silence, not your tears.
The process is not gonna be easy. It never is for anyone. We need to pull ourself out of the comfort zone and gather ourself together.
We’ll hurt many people on your Journey. Sometimes, because of our own faults and other times it may not be our fault at all. So, it is important to recognize when you need to direct your energy towards a situation.